Thursday, September 27, 2012

Lame Pick Up Lines Do NOT Work

So I had the privilege to watch the 5 hour version of Pride and Prejudice with my amazing roommates Kelsi and Julia. We grabbed a pizza and some soda and headed over to the Lounge to watch it on the big screen instead of our laptop. Sadly enough, the tv in our apartment doesn't have a DVD hookup.

About an hour or so in, we noticed that there was this bug on the screen. Julia took it upon herself to get rid of the insect in the most obvious way possible...

She grabs a pillow that she was using, swipe it across the TV, (and in one fluid motion) throw it against the wall, turn 180 degrees, do a little jump, all while running away and jumping back on the couch. It was seriously the cutest and funniest thing ever.

About two hours in, a girl and a guy started to do their homework at the table, not bothering us whatsoever. I didn't really think much of it until the girl left thirty minutes later and the guy stuck around.

That, is where it all went downhill from there.

The guy singles me out by pointing at me and asks me my name. (Note: He never told me his name so I will proceed to call him Arnold from now on.)

I told him my name was Emily, and he then asked me, "Emily, do you have a band-aid? Since I hurt myself when I fell for you."

Me, only hearing the first half of his question, I idiotically said, "Uhm, in my apartment?" Then realizing when I spoke those last words I realized Arnold used one of the oldest pick up lines in the book. I seriously wanted to do a face palm and I was hoping he was joking.

Alas, he was not.

While Arnold was throwing more pick up lines at me such as, "What's your favorite temple? Because I'm looking at mine," or "Is your name virtue? Since you garnish my thoughts unceasingly." (The first thing you asked me was my name you imbecile, don't use that one! >.<) Julia jumped off of the couch and rolled over to where Kelsi was sitting so he couldn't see her. She mouthing the word, "No," to me over and over again, so I switched my answer to "maybeeee" to no.

But Arnold wasn't exactly giving it up. "Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?" escaped his mouth and I gave Julia and Kelsi multiple looks as he was literally looking up pick up lines from his phone.

He goes on and starts talking about a pick up line that involved marriage, which just freaks me out more. It went something along the lines of, "You know what I want? I want to be sitting down with my kids one day, and they'd ask me about my first love. I can tell them about how I saw this most magnificent, beautiful girl..." and I cut Arnold off since he lost his train of thought. I finished the pick up line saying, "and you'd point at me and say that's her," since I knew how it was going to end. I'm the master of pick up lines.

Then he started to make up this story on the spot and I was so flabbergasted I wasn't even paying attention to what Arnold was saying because I was trying to figure out how to get out of it. Thankfully, Julia read my mind, piped up, and said, "Should I pause the movie?" Only then got the hint and said, "No I'll leave," and left the lounge.

We paused the movie anyways.

Long story short, his uncanny behavior has been known to cause... distress in previous situations. Julia has learned this from past friend's experiences, so she thought it would be best if I learn from the girl's past experiences, and not have to learn myself.

Shucks.

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